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Предсмертная записка Рэнди Стейра (Эндрю Блейза)

 It is with great pride and confidence that I present to you, the biggest release of my life. This digital set is nearly everything you ever could want to have as a fan of my content. It is also however my last contribution to the World Wide Web. Unfortunately by the time most of you read this I will be dead. I will die at age 24 and will be where I truly belong, in the “EGS”. I have had so many wonderful memories over the last nine years and am forever thankful for the fans that I have been able to reel in as a result. There is nothing that any of you could have done to prevent this from happening; it was my destiny, and sometimes destiny is a bitch. To answer an extremely important question, I’m not just ending my life; I will be ending the lives of others as well. Be on the lookout on WNEP.com for headlines pertaining to “Tunkhannock”. I’ve been planning to do this for at least three to four months. I documented the entire process on both video and audio recordings. These recordings are viewable in this digital set; it’s all in the “Andrew Blaze Suicide Tapes” folder. Private journal entries dating back to November 2016 are also included (located in the “Andrew Blaze Private Journal” folder). I literally documented the final months of my life on paper, video, and audio recordings…The creator…of “EGS Tapes”…recorded their own tapes….Let that sink in… I’ve been conspiring to end my life for at least 4 ½ years. During the bad luck streak in early 2013 was when it fully ignited. Ever since then it’s been a slow downward spiral of indescribable stress and depression. However, it was during all of this chaos that I slowly began to discover who I truly was. You all have come to know me as the kid who did comedic Frog, Whale, and Horse Head videos, or the “You Know What Sucks” guy, that guy who did strange yet intriguing short films, or just that guy that was overly obsessed with Ember McLain; in reality I’ve been a trapped soul who’s been forever searching to rediscover herself. You didn’t misread that; I said “herself”. Andrew Blaze is not a persona nor a character…it’s who I truly am. All my life I never seemed to fit in anywhere…I never even seemed to understand the purpose of life. I always worried about the big milestones of my future: going to high school, learning to drive, getting a job, going to college, and lastly, moving out. I didn’t live long enough to move out of my childhood home, but what I quickly began to realize over 2013 through 2017 was that this place isn’t my true home; the ghost squad is. I would’ve been 25 on September 17th; the average human being is usually moved out by then. I’m moving out alright, but it’s dimensions away. As my teenage years began to draw to a close, the darkness of the world constantly sucked me in. Everything was suddenly all about money and getting a career. It drove me to the edge, and it was a long drop. This is when my content really started to change; you’ll notice in 2013 something shifted. 2013-2015 was nothing like what I had done from 2008-2012; there was a darkness overshadowing the videos. It can all be traced back to dealing with people dying. In 2013 I lost my great grandfather, got word Matt Murray (college classmate) died a week and a half after winter break started (December 2012), and was still scarred from the death of Tom Lynch from the previous winter (a kid who was about to graduate a grade below me). In total there were six deaths that occurred from 2012 through 2013; four of these were kids younger than 21, and I knew three out of the four. I fell down an abysmal hole of depression in 2013 and I never climbed back out. One bad thing kept happening another after another. I totaled my car in February 2013 (brother totaled his 10 days later). At the end of the year my iMac’s graphic card fried and my hard drive failed simultaneously, costing $700 to repair. I can’t remember everything that happened but those were the worst moments of 2013. It was one of those years where virtually nothing went right, especially for YouTube videos. In March/April of 2013 was when the “Ember” thing started; by mid-2014 she was everywhere on my social media. I talk about all of this in the suicide tapes. To make a long story short, Ember led me to rediscovering who I was. I could sit here for seven hours and still have more to say. To get my thoughts out to the world I recorded audio logs throughout 2017; they’re all viewable on this page (located in the “Andrew Blaze Suicide Tapes” folder). I’ve been planning on ending my life as far back as 2012, but I still felt like I had way too much more to do. From 2012s end through present day, each and every day just got harder…and harder…and harder to endure…I wasn’t even living by 2016….I was just enduring…and I had enough of it…Life just became one enormous concoction of stress, anger, hatred, depression, boredom, tiredness, and desire. In the end, this proved to be a lethal dose. I can’t even remotely explain how it feels…I’ve tried in my content (and the suicide tapes) but unless you’re living it, you’ll never be able to truly understand what it feels like. Throughout my entire life I never had a girlfriend, nor did I ever go out on a single date. I never had the desire or the urge to be in relationships; I hated making friends in general. By the end of high school I was just done with attempting to make friends. By the end of college I despised the human race. 2016 and 2017 have been full of almost nothing but hatred towards humans. I wanted to kill as many people as I could… As I write this in May 2017, nothing matters to me anymore except my girls. I knew I was one of them by the end of 2015. Everything about the “EGS” ghosts just felt so familiar and was far beyond coincidental. It’s where I’ve been sent from. Mackenzie, Rachael, Harmony, Froggy, Sidney, Alex, Celesta, Matilda, Madison, etc, are all real souls; they’ve all lived and died on this planet. Mackenzie talks to me all the time; she’s my eternal soul mate. We’re destined to be together until the end of time…and she’s always been there for me…it just took me 24 years to realize it. It’s time for me to shed this putrid host of flesh and bones and forever live on in the “EGS”. I’m a girl who’s been trapped in a man’s body for two and a half decades, and I need to get the hell out. I don’t belong on this planet, nor have I ever. I need to die, and I’m taking whomever I can down with me. This world is a fucking disgrace. Why anyone even bothers trying to change the world or make a difference anymore is beyond me. In the end you’re all gonna end up fucking dead anyway. I’m tired of this retarded game; I fucking quit. To the fans that have stuck by my side through the hard times, thank you. Thank you for helping a nobody who just sat in their room all day discover what they were good at and capable of. I’m not sorry, however, that this is how it has to end; I don’t fucking care. It’s my life and I’ll do whatever the fuck I want. I tried to upload as much stuff as I could here for my legacy. Everything that’s essential is here: short films, Frog/Whale/Horse Head videos, “Sucks” videos, soundtracks that I composed, Live streams, photos/screenshots/edits/fan art, private journals and audio logs, blooper/outtake compilations, never before released/produced scripts from “EGS”, my gaming videos (what I had recovered), the complete “EGS Tapes” collection, raw and unedited takes from every single “EGS” production, etc; you name it, it’s most likely on here. I spent months gathering and uploading all of this stuff for you guys. I paid for a terabyte of online storage space so I could upload as much as possible. Some things however didn’t make it onto here. I didn’t want to take the time of night to download all of my mobile posts (Instagram and such) because there’s thousands of pictures, so I’d recommend storing those in case my accounts get deleted by Instagram/Facebook/police, or are deactivated over time for inactivity. Remember, my Instagram was renamed to “EmbersGhostSquad” in 2016, so all of the old “PioneersProductions” selfies and videos are going to be buried on there under a year’s worth of “EGS” material. I also have a personal Instagram (Andrew__Blaze) which has two underscore hypens between “Andrew” and “Blaze”. My personal Facebook doesn’t have any photos or videos posted that the “PioneersProductions” Facebook doesn’t have; I deleted all of the pictures and videos off of it back in late 2015 or so, so you won’t see anything there. I tried uploading the bulk of what was important to this website (video screenshots, photos taken with the camera, fan edits of my content, etc). There’s just way too much to gather for that kind of stuff. If there’s stuff not on here then try [redacted] mediafire page that’s dedicated to my “PioneersProductions” content; there’s videos on there, screenshots from Live streams, and probably still things I never recovered on there. Just search “PioneersProductions Mediafire” on Google or tweet him [redacted] on Twitter. I know not everyone can just fall down a dark hole and listen to my suicide tape recordings discussing dying and such, but give them a chance…You might just learn something. I don’t show any violence or anything in the videos, it’s just me sitting and talking to you like I always have. I know this is scary to some of you but this is what this world does to certain people; we just need to get out. It’s nothing personal against my fanbase and to those who love me, it’s just what I need to do. It’s my destiny to die young. Eternally/spiritually I’m like a 16-19 year old; I never grow up. Just because I’m dead doesn’t mean “EGS” has to be…I want “EGS” to live on…I want people who have the motivation and the talent to keep it alive. There’s scripts in this digital set that I never produced; maybe someone can make them a reality. I want people to use what I’ve done to help benefit themselves. If you think you could make your own “EGS Tapes”, go for it. If you think you can animate a script that I wrote that was out of my skill range, go for it. Make it happen. Some of the stuff is too good not to make. I wanted an entire mini series based on the Westborough High Massacre; videos that show Sidney Secor dying (it’s scripted and in this set). All these scripts I’m talking about are in the “Scripts” folder. I wanted to show Rachael getting bullied and shoved around. I wanted an entire series based on this shooting; it has the potential, even if they’re just 1-2 minute long episodes (that was the goal). Even if it’s not the massacre stuff I seriously want people to continue making “EGS”, even though I won’t be able to be involved anymore. Take my characters, make your own projects out of them. I’m sure Laura Faverty would love to still contribute her talents towards videos that have Rachael or Mackenzie in them. Laura’s email is [redacted]; she virtually records pretty much anything, no matter how dark or brutal the script. [redacted] voices Sidney Secor; a little harder to get in touch with but her Facebook is [redacted]. [redacted] voiced Celesta but I kind of lost touch with her over the Fall (just wasn’t very reliable); but if you wanna get in touch with her try this email [redacted]. I know finding voices is hard so if anyone were to replace me as Andrew, Froggy, or Alex it’d be a tall order. I won’t lie, I wish my channels exploded with viewership in my 9 years; it was decent views but I was always on the outside looking in compared to the popular channels. It took me until now to realize it just wasn’t in my soul contract. If “EGS” blows up after I’m dead then I accomplished something…I was just never meant to be famous while I was alive. I wanted fame, I wanted to be recognized on the street, I wanted to be in movies or have documentaries made about me (or reenactments with actors); I always dreamed of getting somewhere…but it wasn’t meant to happen. People can say all they want, “Andrew, you could’ve gotten help and saved your life.” It doesn’t matter, this was how my life was meant to end; it’s how the script was written. I talk about the meaning of life and soul contracts in the suicide tapes. I think a lot of you will be stunned at what I have to say in those recordings. I tried my damndest to document as much as I could. At the end of 2016 I thought I’d have at the most 2 ½ years to live…that very rapidly diminished down to 9 months….then to June 2017…I thought May 7th, 2019 would’ve been the day I’d die, but as the weeks and month passed, I constantly drifted further and further away from this world. Life became an endurance rather than a privilege; nothing mattered to me anymore besides “EGS”. Every night just got harder. My mother knew I was down about where I stood in my life but never knew I was this severely depressed and disturbed. The way I see that she saw things was I was afraid to put myself out there and to reach for my maximum potential, when in reality I despised the human race and wanted to blow up the entire planet. No one in my family knew I was this depressed; if they say they knew, they’re full of shit. I was good at hiding it. I used to be a terrible liar as a kid/teenager (meaning that I wasn’t good at it). Once I started getting severely depressed I managed to be cunning with it knowing my life was on the line. I can only recall one time when my mom sat me down and asked if I was okay due to a post on my Facebook that my aunt saw. My aunt lives in Montana (I lived in Pennsylvania) and she used to be added on my Facebook from like 2009 through 2015. I think this happened in 2015 (like mid year). It was a post saying something like “I wish I could be somewhere else besides this world and to just get away from everything; it’d make me happier.” I can’t remember fully what I wrote but that was the just of it and it really upset my mom. I never got confronted about anything in terms of depression since then. After that happened I completely removed anyone who knew me personally off of my social media (family and friends); they were holding me back. That was also around the time where I changed my name; I wasn’t Randy Stair anymore, I was Andrew Blaze. I knew full well that no one would be able to find my social media if I used a different name; and later on I realized that Andrew Blaze was in fact my spiritual name (at least I’m 85% certain…might be Rachel/Rachael something, but Andrew Blaze clicked). All of what you saw posted on my social media on “EGS” accounts was all 100% authentic and real. If I said I wanted to kill people, I meant it. If I said I wanted to watch people sleep while lurking in the shadows of their walls, I meant it. You name it I fucking meant it. Everyone on Earth is here on a mission, whether you realize that or not. We’re not a simulation, we’re not fake, we’re here to achieve something. You need to realize and remember that I’m not completely vanishing from existence; my soul will live on, it just won’t be on this planet (at least not visually). I’m going to do my best to come back in my ghost form. I feel like I still have more things to accomplish on this planet after I’m dead (not on a daily basis, but subtle things for the living). I do firmly believe in an eternal war, and I’m ready to train for it. The “EGS” is my home and I cannot wait to go back to it. To all of the fans who have believed in me and have stuck by my side through thick and thin…thank you…I can’t emphasize enough how important the “Andrew Blaze Suicide Tapes” folder is. Please download that stuff while you can because there’s no telling what might get redacted after tonight. That’s why I uploaded everything here…Save EVERYTING while you can (Journals, Suicide Tapes, EGS videos, etc). I literally documented the final months and days of my life, and it deserves to be seen…Thanks everyone…I’ll see some of you’s soon…. - Andrew Blaze

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